* unrepentant melancholics *'s topics - tribe.net

Melancholy Media: My Saddest Playlist

micahboswell — Mon, 14 Jun 2004 17:31:57 GMT

Somewhat related to the saddest albums topic, but I prefer to make my own melancholy soundtracks. Below is a sampling of what I listen to to wrap myself in my melancholy cocoon...

I'd love to add to this list, let me know what you cocoon yourself in...

First Cool Hive - Moby
Sad Clown - Sarah McLachlan
Ponytail Girl - Depeche Mode
Wisdom - Delerium
Glad I'm Not a Kennedy - Shona Laing
Gracias a La Vida - Mercedes Soza
Raindrops - Niya Yesh
Hatfield 1980 - Everything But The Girl
Memories of Green - Blade Runner Soundtrack, Vangelis
Lolita in My Arms - Lolita Soundtrack, Ennio Morricone
Smile - Olive
Dagger Through the Heart - Dolly Parton
Autumn Tactics - Chicane
Persistence of Memory - Afro Celt Sound System
Starless - Syrian
There is No If - The Cure
Shoulder to The Wheel - Bel Canto
Black Cherry - Godlfrapp
What Do i Do - Sam Phillips
Autumn Leaves - Merge
Drifting Sideways - De:vision
Heart For Sale - Page of Quire
Once in a Lifetime - Wolfsheim
Wanting - Moev
Holding On - VNV Nation
Claire's Theme - Until The End of the World Soundtrack, Graeme Revell
Young American Primitive - Sunrise
Denial - Faith Assembly
Rippin Kitten - Miss Kitten and Golden Boy
Breaking the Habit - Linkin Park
Visions in Blue - Ultravox
You Belong with me Tonio K.
Summer Moved On - AHA
Hold Me Now - Thompson Twins
You Think You Know Her - Cause and Effect
Mr Blue - Yaz
Waves - Blancmange
Gabriel - Lamb
Maps - The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Kite Song - Patty Griffin
Recycled Air - The Postal Service
Cryptic - Mortal
Warlock - Skinny Puppy
Here Comes the Rain Again - Eurythmics
Only the Lonely - The Motels
Diva Dora my Grandma - Govinda
Watchtower - Yul Anderson
Butterflies Instead - K's Choice

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 20 replies

Music Reccomendations?

Paul — Sat, 11 Mar 2006 07:02:58 GMT

Anyone have any particularly melancholy music they could reccomend?

Some of my personal favorites that would fall under this category: Dead Can Dance (as well as Brendan Perry's solo album "Eye Of The Hunter"), David Sylvian (and his various other projects, minus Japan), The Cure, Elysian Fields, The Tea Party (earlier stuff in particular), etc.

Anyway, discuss.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 35 replies

Dzogchen

Christopher — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 16:10:43 GMT

There is this thing that the authors Sogyal Rinpoche and Lama Surya Das talk about called "Dzogchen"; the term can be used to mean either a specific type of practice which leads to "enlightenment", or else the true nature of mind itself. Although I wonder whether it could really be said to be the true nature of our minds, I sometimes think that this thing they call Dzogchen may be part of what makes my most beautiful moments beautiful. Though Lama Surya Das says that "enlightenment" can vary in the forms it takes from one person to the next, the common element in its different forms for him is that a person is very natural. I think that most of us (if not all) have learned to put on a facade when we are around others, or at least be uncomfortable around others who threaten our values. I don't like to be around wild parties, for example, because I think that the people in them are trying to be something that they can't be authentically. I also think that music and art which reflects our deeper natures often makes resting in our truest natures easier. Anything "outside" the self, in fact, which agrees with an individuals own deepest nature I think probably allows that person to feel better. I wonder though how in common every individuals deeper nature is. I hate sounding religous, but I hope I brought up something that someone else can comment on. Does anyone else think that part of what is wrong with other people is that they are fighting who they really are instead of being natural? Or that other people's being "unnatural" makes it harder for more sensitive people to find peace when among them?

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 0 replies

From Paradise Lost, Book 4

PandaOfEvil — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 18:12:26 GMT

Me miserable! which way shall I flie
Infinite wrauth, and infinite despaire?
Which way I flie is Hell; my self am Hell; [ 75 ]
And in the lowest deep a lower deep
Still threatning to devour me opens wide,
To which the Hell I suffer seems a Heav'n.
O then at last relent: is there no place
Left for Repentance, none for Pardon left? [ 80 ]
None left but by submission; and that word
Disdain forbids me, and my dread of shame
Among the Spirits beneath, whom I seduc'd
With other promises and other vaunts
Then to submit, boasting I could subdue [ 85 ]
Th' Omnipotent. Ay me, they little know
How dearly I abide that boast so vaine,
Under what torments inwardly I groane:
While they adore me on the Throne of Hell,
With Diadem and Sceptre high advanc'd [ 90 ]
The lower still I fall, onely Supream
In miserie; such joy Ambition findes.
But say I could repent and could obtaine
By Act of Grace my former state; how soon
Would higth recall high thoughts, how soon unsay [ 95 ]
What feign'd submission swore: ease would recant
Vows made in pain, as violent and void.
For never can true reconcilement grow
Where wounds of deadly hate have peirc'd so deep:
Which would but lead me to a worse relapse [ 100 ]
And heavier fall: so should I purchase deare
Short intermission bought with double smart.
This knows my punisher; therefore as farr
From granting hee, as I from begging peace:
All hope excluded thus, behold in stead [ 105 ]
Of us out-cast, exil'd, his new delight,
Mankind created, and for him this World.
So farewel Hope, and with Hope farewel Fear,
Farewel Remorse: all Good to me is lost;
Evil be thou my Good; by thee at least [ 110 ]
Divided Empire with Heav'ns King I hold
By thee, and more then half perhaps will reigne;
As Man ere long, and this new World shall know.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 1 reply

Saddest Lyrics

micahboswell — Mon, 14 Jun 2004 17:43:37 GMT

One song in particular plays through my mind as having the saddest lyrics. I won't post all of them, just the first an last stanzas! Post your saddest! Not the whole thing, stanza's please...

There is no if by the cure

First Stanza

"Remember the first time I told you I love you -
It was raining hard and you never heard -
You sneezed! and I had to say it over
I said I love you I said... you didn ’t say a word
Just held you hands to my shining eyes
And I watched as the rain ran through your fingers
Held your hands to my shining eyes and smiled as you kissed me..."

Then, the last stanza

"Remember the last time I told you I love you -
It was warm and safe in our perfect world -
You yawned and I had to say it over
I said I love you I said... you didn ’t say a word
Just held your hands to your shining eyes
And I watched as the tears ran through your fingers
Held your hands to your shining eyes and cried..."

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 98 replies

book recommendation for yall

Christopher — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 18:46:47 GMT

Just picked up "Where the Roots Reach for Water: A Personal and Natural History of Melancholia", by Jeffrey Smith. So far, I like the read. Might tell you more when I've read more... Just thought I'd take a break from reading it and suggest it to yall. ;)

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 2 replies

what is this all

cosmosechoes — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 18:57:56 GMT

i cant top feeling sad. i have no reason for but. i cat stop it.... makes me wanna just give up on all this cause i cant find the end

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 1 reply

JUst a thought - from Mojo's blog.

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 20:12:46 GMT

So, I have been examining or watching a lot of the world go by....

Being, an "Outsider" if you will, I have the luxury of being an objective observer... ( and I think way too much)

The human society is indeed in some sort of what "appears" to be crisis...
Most of this is due to rules we have set for ourselves that we are no longer willing to follow, but are also to afraid to change...yet.
Infidelity, greed, and so on...

We are selfish animals too...
i.e Billiions of dollars spent to give old guys hard ons (viagra) and still there are children, right down the street who are suffering and dying of what should be curable illnesses... go figger.
and still we measure our body parts, our bank accounts, and the square footage of our domicile. As well as the hosepower, and the intrest rate?
We hoard money for a future that is uncertain.
We walk about claiming that all we touch is, "mine"

The grand delusion is what I call it.

Our species is still in it's early infancy.
All small children go through a selfish phase, and have no sense of priority...

So, is it just a "growing pain", or is it all really going to hell?

Just a thought...

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 8 replies

dark night of the soul

desertspider — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 03:59:19 GMT

anyone interested in sharing stories/experiences
regarding depression and the dark night of the soul?

please feel free to visit
darknightofthesoul tribe

it's newly forming, but would greatly appreciate your input/ideas/thoughts/etcetera.

desert spider

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 1 reply

Depression vs. Melancholia

Druben — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 11:20:59 GMT

Is there a difference for you?

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 3 replies

when it becomes overwhelming

sMel — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 13:53:23 GMT

i am pretty unrepentant about my melancholy...feel i have come to terms with accepting the dark with the light and even seeing its beauty and neccessity...

but sometimes...

i just play into it a bit too much. like staying in bed a bit too long. decadent and dreamy, an excess of feeling, body softening, mind cogs over-working to the point of futility...

what breath, easement or release is there to offer on how to escape the "repentant" mindset?

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 2 replies

can I learn to be unrepentant?

Anju78 — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 01:20:43 GMT

I"ve dealt with melancholy almost all my life.....and I don't know if I can make it go away. I think it might be better to somehow work with it rather than trying to rid myself of it - and have it be less painful.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 3 replies

You said You Loved Me.

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 02:54:17 GMT

I know, I have scared off one more very important person...

It's like my hands a soapy, and You keep slipping through my fingers.

So I tell you of my ultimate objective, and still you choose to reamin distant...
this distance kills me, it haunts me, and gnaws at my heart...

I have become accoustomed to failure in these last few years.
Damn my heart, damn my Love, and Damn this bloody insanity that is tearing my world apart.

I am hurtting, I am empty, and I now stand alone... once again, like I always do.
Srounded by the enemy, my back against the wall.
My only choice now is to live in a box for Christmas.

You taunted me with your feighned desire , and twisted my knife a little more.
When I asked if you enjoyed hurtting me, I was serious.

I know that now, Love is indeed a lie, and all who preach it are the most obsene of liars, for they toy with the only weakness I have...

Leaving for the old ocean soon, and my heart wishes it could be with you.
I do still Love you, and I know that given the chance I could give you more than you knew you wanted, or needed, but I am a funnel, therefore, no one can fill me up, I know I would suck you dry, just like all the others.
There will be no others, never, I will live, suffer and die alone, the way scum like me are intended to.

We are all caught up in our own little idea of what it shold all mena, and when those around us become contrary to that, we scream, stomp, and act as though Our feelings are the only ones that matter.
I know I am guilty.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 6 replies

This was a hard holiday

Druben — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 13:18:30 GMT

I wasn't particularly down this holiday, but most of my friends were and it was difficult listening to all the sad conditions. i want to be a good friend and be there when life is bad but I felt this rebellion in me like Fuck this, I just wanna have some fun and be superficial. I draw the people to me because of my personality and they are lften somewhat heavy folks. I am not attracted to superficiality. But sometims i just crave a good laugh and irreverant silly conversation. Do y'all ever find yourself in similar situations?

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 2 replies

Sheep & Sheeple!

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 14:14:15 GMT

You know, everyonce in a while, you hear someone speak, and their words are so profound that it starts a "tape-worm" of sorts to grow in your mind...

Such is the discussion between Agent Smith, and Morpheus, during Morpheus's interrogation. When Agent Smith says that he has had a revelation about the human species when trying to classify the Human species...

"A Virus", he called us.

I suppose from the point of view of an artificial person it could appear that way...

I of course am not artificial, I am Human, and from where I stand, Humans appear to be more like a bunch of "Sheep".

They mindlessly trample each other in the great race to the finish line, which of course just turns out to be slaughter.

When the "Winner" gets there, what does he do??
He, or She totally shirks resposibility for the actions he or she took that got them to the slaughter, and blame the Sheep behind him.
As if any Sheep is intelligent enough, or has the where with all to plot a killing like that...

Then there are the opportunists...
They call themselves Predators.
This said in an effort to command fear and respcet from the others.

They are just simply sheep who are trying to be different, but they are still sheep.
Shaking in fear of the great unknown, just like the rest of us, but too stupid to admit it.

Imagine that a Sheep trying to pretend to be a Predator...LOL!

You are all "Sheeple".

I am too, it's just that I have the balls to admit it, and live in your worst nightmare...
anonimity, mediocrity, quasi-poverty, and above all else sincerity.

I am real.
More real than most.
(more human than a human)

Those of you who are my good friends, you know who you are.
You are real to me, and I Love each of you in your own unique way.

For the rest of You!!!!
Ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a!

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 1 reply

Since coming to this world with you....

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 13:17:21 GMT

Having been separated from the infulences of this world as You all might be aware of it, I have had the opportunity to examine precisely how People fit into the Natural order of the world as it is now.

My for instance...
People are like sheep.
my rationale...
Driving on interstate 5, in any direction, you will notice just like every other major highway it is like a "Sheep chute."
All the sheep in their ideal of what is the best to be driving, and looking down on each other for not driving the same, or the same way they do... mindlessly, selfishly stepping on each other in an effort to get to the non-exhistant finish line...only to find that it is a slaughrter, and then what do they do???
they turn around and blame everyone behind them, as if it really were their fault.

Some of us are scary enough that the stampede parts and goes around us, but we always risk getting trampled.
So, to survive, we must maintain what the herd has deemed acceptable minimums for our free pass.

I say Screw the friggin Sheeple.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 4 replies

I am a Slave...

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 03:10:35 GMT

A skave to the feelings that I no longer control... the stray memory wandering aimlessly through my concoiousness...to the stray thought...
to the feeling that I said too much, or not enough... to the addiction of chemicals in my brain that make me think, act, and feel the way I do..
.do you?
I wasn't always like this, but I am now, and I believe that this condition that I now find myself is just a sort of cosmic justice...
I am a slave.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 5 replies

Songs to play at my funeral

Temperance — Mon, 18 Oct 2004 17:30:16 GMT

A long time ago I started a list of songs that I would want played at my funeral. My list is a work in progress and I add to it whenever I find new songs that fit. Here's my list, feel free to post yours also...

Greensleeves (classic song) - Lorena McKennit
Playground Love - Air
Angel - Sarah McLachlin
Rainy Days and Mondays - The Carpenters
Pictures of You - the Cure
But not tonight - Depeche Mode
Lovesong - the Cure
Phantom Bride - Erasure
Blasphamous Rumors - Depeche Mode
I Know it over - the Smiths
Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now - the Smiths
Without You - Harry Nilsson
Rilo Kiley - Ripchord

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 41 replies

I LIKE TO THINK

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 21:13:44 GMT

I like to think that we are all heard somewhere in the great book of life but even the most beautiful voice is doomed. Wow!

I've returned lately my books of poetry for comfort and inspiration.
Larkin, A.E. Houseman, Edward Thomas, Maeterlinck, Borges, Djuna Barnes seem to have it right.
The treadmill, the bed, the grave.
The small comforts of tea and tabbaco.
A well-wrought line of verse.
That oblivious ride in the hearse.
O to scrawl a spiral and call it home.

Whose last words were: The Sun is God. Was it Turner or Whistler?

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 0 replies

Melancholic art

Druben — Wed, 05 Jul 2006 00:08:01 GMT

Hey gang, lets post our favorite melancholic art. I just watched a three hour film on Edvard Munch and he has to be one of my favorites so I'll start with him.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 1 reply

charting your moods

Druben — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 22:48:56 GMT

When I get really down I create a graph and chart my feelings each day. I use a 1 to 10 scale with 10 being ecstatic and 1 being suicidal. It usually shows that I am only depressed temporarily and that I have many fine days in between. This helps me put it all in perspective because when I am down it always feels like I've always been there. My graph, over many weeks, shows me this just isn't true.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 1 reply

physical condition

Druben — Tue, 14 Mar 2006 18:30:54 GMT

Sometimes (like now) I struggle with physical health issues which usuallu means I have low energy for creating pleasurable things in my life and I worry if I will ever get out of survival mode. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 6 replies

Stay

Druben — Wed, 15 Mar 2006 16:56:59 GMT

I think the quintessential melacholic film for the season is "Stay." I loved it. Its quite rich and well made and I'd love to hear what other people thought of it.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 6 replies

Love Extinguished

Tue, 02 May 2006 07:58:31 GMT

Fearfully trying to out run the ghosts that chase me
At that hour when the world can not offer salvation
I could not keep my heart above the tides of grief
its many faces submerged from the dark waters of
solitude replaying haunting images, refusing to stay packed away
They tell me I must dress in black and hang my head
low to bury another love beside the others who did not stay
Sadness melts into anger dissolves in to despair
and all join together into a laughter of madness
will bitterness strangle the way in which i love
so deeply and surrendered in its drunkenness
or can compassion rescue me from drowning in unyielding sorrow
will I love again or await another fatality to arrive at my door step
if I should mourn all the loves in the world whose flames
where extinguished before given a chance...will that bring comfort
And yet the dust accumulates on the pile of memories that refuse to die
as I bid you good bye and drink the bitter champagne
that should have been toasted on our wedding day

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 3 replies

David Sylvian

Paul — Mon, 08 May 2006 06:09:22 GMT

My favorite quasi-melancholic singer/songwriter.

Discuss.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 5 replies

Jeff Buckley

Christine 16 — Mon, 08 May 2006 00:38:17 GMT

His words, his music- it all spells meloncholy. But in the most lovely, sexy, unfulfilled way. His life was tragically cut far too short ,making his music all the more moody. I just love him.

If you have not been exposed to this gem, you should. He is nothing short of amazing.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 6 replies

Creativity, Madness and Death

Sat, 29 Apr 2006 00:32:25 GMT

“I feel certain that I’m going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of those terrible times. And I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices. “
Suicide note ~~ Virginia Woolf, March 28, 1941

Vincent Van Gogh, Anne Sexton, Sylvia Plath, Ernest Hemingway, Mark Rothko, Kay Sage, Sara Teasdale, Mark Lombardi, Kurt Cobain, Paul Celan to name a few. Was their suffering too unbearable, their creative gifts did not serve as a cure nor contain the madness from within. And if creativity is cultivated from within the very place that lies the sleepless monster of despair and the lunatic of anxiety, where can relief be found? Is not their art an attempt to externalize the pain, as if an attempt to perform surgery on oneself in hopes of extracting the disease? The disease that slowly devours any sense of joy or hope and then one’s own identity is consumed by the darkness. Like one’s shadow that is cast upon the wall, but no body to be found. One would think to paint, to write, to sing, to create something from nothing, would be the very cure to sooth, but only for a fleeting moment before the black dog (Winston Churchill), returns to visit. Again the cycle continues, the search to restore some sanity. And those who possess the curse and gift of creativity, who still suffer equally as those who have passed on by their own hand, do they look to them as if they were heroes. Idols who demanded their own peace by protesting life and choosing death instead. One can not help but envy their liberation from such bondage. I ask…what could have saved them from their madness?

And if the spiritual teachings say suicide is unforgivable by God or that one will be reincarnated into the hell whelm or as a hungry ghost then is such death really liberation from pain or a door way into further suffering? Yet there is a Romanism to these tales of geniuses and talented artists who performed the ultimate master piece of drama by leaving this world so tragically like exiting the stage of a great performance. The audience applauds and wants more. Ironically, it is after their death that their art becomes more precious and more valuable, even priceless as time passes.

Would love your feedback.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 1 reply

wronged, wronging and a broken heart

Mpho — Fri, 07 Apr 2006 11:31:59 GMT

What is this game that we as people play every day? That one should love or claim so, then suddenly turn and hurt?

i lashed out the girl i care most deeply for last night (by lashing out i mean a text message demanding a little honesty). She'd asked for time to sort out her life and asked me to wait for her, and i gave her that. Then life through another disaster at her, and she runs straight into the arms of a person who's not only poison to himself but those around him, because i study 400km away and he was the only person there.

This i understand, but is it right for her to turn on me for feeling hurt and lashing out as she knowingly crushed my heart? Am i to blame for a moment when all i demanded was simply honesty? is it fair that she should attack my character as a person who's never given up on her and cared when no one else wanted to?
Is it wrong for me to feel hurt?

Whats worse is that i know i shouldnt give up on her, because i understand the nature of her situation and i understand why she acted the way she did -that she's seeking comfort from the only place she can get it.

Somebody tell me something to make sense of this, because im to tired and weak to do it myself.

Excuse the sop stry, but i needed to vent. replies would still be cool though

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 2 replies

a poem cries

bravebird — Sun, 09 Apr 2006 08:13:17 GMT

before

My voice has been swallowed
by an empty throat

An empty that shifts into silence

Where sound penetrates nothing
Eclipsed by thoughts born from
A shattered image of me

My redemption lies within the
Truth of not knowing anything

Before my humanity shows up

Looming like a dreary swath of broken
Clouds

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 1 reply

On ignoring and being ignored...

sMel — Tue, 04 Apr 2006 20:15:48 GMT

The most devestating thing my father ever did to punish me was to be silent. I have heard it is more effective to train dogs by ignoring them over reprimand. What is this power--where does it come from?

I am the unfortunate master of silence as a weapon. I struggle with this boundary attack. I fight to keep enemies as charming adversary. I do not know how to turn it off, when it is appropriate, what hold it has on my heart, or where it falls.

I make myself invisible because of this. I am my own victim!

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 2 replies

The Original Melancholic Musician

cecilkleakins — Mon, 20 Mar 2006 18:59:18 GMT

John Dowland was a lutenist and composer in Elizabethan England.

http://www.azstarnet.com/public/packages/reelbook/153-4006.htm

His story is rather interesting, and the many works he left behind are still available.

http://icking-music-archive.org/ByComposer/Dowland.html
http://music.allofmp3.com/mp3/John_Dowland/group_4340/mcatalog.shtml
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/classical-artist-search/John%20Dowland/104-1129926-5001533

His biggest success, a series of tunes called the Lachrimae–literally "tears"–was composed in the late 16th Century. It is comprised of seven sections, or seven tears.

http://www.soi.city.ac.uk/~timc/ECOLMtest/IMSweb/Dow2wd95REV.htm

A sample can be heard here:

http://www.uvm.edu/~hag/personal/portfolio/sounds/dowlandtearssolo.html

Its melancholic sense of longing and languid beauty are as incredibly profound as one of Hamlet's soliloquies. His other compositions, with titles like "In Darkness Let Me Dwell", are English melancholy at its finest.

His other contribution to music were the beautiful transcriptions of his compositions.

http://www.cbsr.ucr.edu/images/dowland/Lachrimae1.jpg

Facsimiles of his books, along with lyrics and MIDI files can be heard here:

http://kulturserver-bayern.de/home/harald-lillmeyer/Texte/Downloads/Downloads.html

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 0 replies

water over the dam

Wed, 15 Mar 2006 22:18:27 GMT

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060315/ap_on_re_us/abduction_filmed

a flood of tears washes
beyond the waste of Life
unrelenting machinary of State
inching insistently forward
evokes a mist of memories' cries
from lives crushed beneath the Wheels
and the bitter wine flows forth
to slake the contentious minions

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 0 replies

A psychological test

Bo — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 16:46:01 GMT

http://extremehonesty.tribe.net/thread/b46a3fde-6299-47ab-b19c-3f3c11b52862

Post your answers in this thread not the above thread. I want to compare answers from different tribes.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 8 replies

to job or not to job

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 06:45:43 GMT

more often than not, of late, it is not to job... and once again it is not. as of 9:45 this morning, CST. rebounding without resiliancy. not quite the same as finding just the right pair of shoes, you know, though I wish it were that easy. better than staying in the wrong pair and getting all blistered and bunioned and calloused like some people i've known. yes, better than that, though not much.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 1 reply

infatuation overdose

Puppy — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 00:08:43 GMT

falling for somebody is probably the worst thing ever, you know you're going to get hurt but you proceed down that path anyway, fully aware that the insecurity you feel now will only intensify and lead into anguish of loss but down i go anyway keeping my fingers crossed wishing for the day when that person wasn't there when it was ok being alone

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 5 replies

Pangs of Nostalgia

Sat, 14 Jan 2006 12:03:34 GMT

I get these now & then. They are usually triggered by a piece of music, or a movie scene, or some other image. Somehow these things unlock something deep within me--a "memory" I can't remember. And when it comes to the surface, a pang like this is always exquisitely painfull & overwhelmingly sad. Sometimes lachrymose, but more often they are not. They're usually way beyond that. And they only flash briefly. And I actually like them! They remind me that I'm alive. And passionate. And full of thought. Sometimes I'll even willfully induce this sort of bittersweet feeling, like pressing down hard on a bruise.

Anyone else?

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 5 replies

i hate people so much

Poe — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 07:50:05 GMT

All any one has to do to make me happy. SO ALL you people who say you want em to be happy listen the fuck up. ALL you have to do is tell me what is up no bullshit. If i do not fit in your life tell me i will go cool i hope to talk to you at some point. If you need me to take a back seat that is ok. If you need me in a certan way i will do my best jsut tell me. That is it do not ignore me lie to me or tell me you miss me but make not atempt to keep me in your life. I am not asking a lot good or bad be honest and i will love you for it. I am a very flexabul guy i will do what i can to make you happy but if you ask for something you do not want and then leave me hanging i will be hurt. So if you give a flying fuck about me my life or my happyness then please just tell me the fucking truth that is all i ask if can not do that i will asume that you do not care about me this will be posted where ever i am so please take note i am so tired of being treated like shit i am ready to cut people out of my life no matter how lonely i am i would rather be anywhere on my own than in a fake world where i am lied to all the time.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 4 replies

Super Bowl, alas

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 04:52:34 GMT

Yes, the Seahawks were my sentimental favorite... not so much because they're National Conference like my bereft Bears... more because their home is the incubator of the moody Grunge Movement, shops sporting thick black liquid to stir my melancohlia into a manicky hyper-drive, and the thoroughly double-edged nexus of the Technocratic reign, ironically juxtaposed to the riotous demonstrations that rocked the envisionment of a Grand Architecture of a World Economy. But t'was not meant to be, not in the stars, nor on the field named after a company that just gave notice to thousands of its own employees. No, it was that gritty team from around the bend in a city gutted by families too avaricious to re-invest in their own enterprise, wasting millions on their own toys whilst their workers' toils languished and collapsed 'neath the weight of heartier foreign competition. Yea though, verily the Steelers walked from the steaming field of battle with the shining trophy, embellished by the resonance of sectagenarian rock stars... yet another import.
So tonight I mellow to the lowly tones of Serious Smokers, wafting incense into my nostrils, and will wait yet another year to see what ironies fate may favor for our leisure once again.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 2 replies

JOY DIVISION

Sun, 05 Feb 2006 02:00:42 GMT

I spent a year of my life listening to almost nothing but

UNKNOWN PLEASURES

smoking clove cigarettes and wearing the the same black VFW bowling shirt.

Ian Curtis had such a profound influence on me, I wanted my life to come to a tragic end.

20 years later, I'm still here.

since then, I've discovered Harry Partch, who I've found far more haunting and deep- most of his work sends 'ordinary' people running or diving for the STOP button. the music and the voice and the lyrics.

BTW- newbie to TRIBE.NET

thx for listening

Mertz

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 2 replies

Shadowing Silhouettes

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 18:48:40 GMT

shadowing silhouettes cut shapes
out of a winters sky
as you paid me a visit today
fridged fingers lay upon my shoulder
like an unexpected knock at the door
lurking in dark corners, you arise
as I sensed your haunting presence
tip toeing around the abandoned
catacombs of my past
awaiting, watching
placing your hand upon the face of joy
I struggle to see beyond the veil that
confiscate the thirst for life
repeated attempts
with candy colored pills
to sever the cord
chaining you to me
like a dead limb
still attached to my body
grasping to solidify dreams of bliss
upon the vacant canvas
fades your face to pretend
but you had never left
a single moment for me to rest
ceaseless to possess
like a demon invading my own identity
life long companions are we to be

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 1 reply

Melancholy? Or something else?

khrysso — Sat, 07 Jan 2006 17:25:16 GMT

Some of those haikus sound to me like something other than just melancholy--some sound self-pitying, and some sound just plain bitter.

By any standard--medical, literary, philosophical, etc.--do bitterness and self-pity count as "melancholy"?

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 14 replies

Sadness Haiku?

Cocobean — Sun, 26 Dec 2004 21:29:50 GMT

*Filler*

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 11 replies

Deconstructing "Unrepentant" Melancholia

khrysso — Fri, 06 Jan 2006 21:00:45 GMT

I joined this tribe because a couple of my friends belong to it and one as much as said that he likes my apparent melancholy streak.

My understanding of melancholy as a temperament (based on Hippocrates's notion of four "humours" that allegedly influence us: blood, phlegm, bile, and "black bile," i.e., melancholia, which I don't remember learning about in high-school biology) has had little to do with the "sadness" referred to in this tribe's description: I've always associated melancholia with introspection... sentimentality... pessimism, perhaps. In a Google search on the term I ran across a suggestion of self-indulgence.

Certainly, there seems to be a large area of intersection with depression: it seems safe to say at least that melancholics are prone to depression. But when I think of depression, I'm more inclined to think of negativity than of sadness per se. Depression runs in my family, and my major manifestation of it is Seasonal Affective Disorder.

But even if I did agree that melancholia is about sadness rather than about pessimism, why would it be something to "repent" of? To me the notion of being an "unrepentant melancholic" would indicate that I have some control over my melancholia. Repentance is about turning away from behavior, forsaking some kind of vice in favor of some kind of virtue.

But temperament is foundational to personhood, even deeper, I am to understand, than personality. And rather than being good or bad, it just is: according to the system that grew out of Hippocrates's theory, I am some combination of sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric, and melancholic. None of these is more evil or more desirable than any of the others. Why would I *want* to repent of my melancholia, even if I could?

As a gay man, I am reminded of the notion of "gay pride," and the questions surrounding it about "what is there to be proud about, if sexual orientation just is? Str8 people don't make a big deal of 'str8 pride'." I have thought a lot about this and have concluded that in this case, pride is an antidote to shame--for many, many years I carried a heavy load of toxic shame around with me over the fact that I am erotically attracted to members of my sex.

I suppose that by the same token, one could consider oneself to be an "unrepentant" melancholic if there pressure, real or imagined, to repent of it in the first place. But since I perceive no such pressure--other than exhortations in my youth to "lighten up"--I find the notion ludicrous. Those messages seem to me to be more about putting forth negative energy than about being possessed of this or that temperament.

But then, perhaps I have put such shame so far behind me that I have simply forgotten about it. People no longer complain when my poetry is sad or grievous in tone, and as often as not, I'm the one exhorting people to "lighten up."

I neither glorify nor revel in sadness. As a folk musician, I recognize that the heart-rending songs are often the most enduring, and I appreciate that and love those plaintive and mournful songs for their universality. But sadness is not a place I want to linger, and I *definitely* don't like paying good money to see movies with unhappy endings; I consume fiction (written or filmed) to be delivered of harsh reality, not to be reminded of it. Khrysso's Rule of Movie-Watching is this: It had better have a happy ending, or have a DAMN good reason not to! (Stone Mountain, for example, barely squeaked by...)

Ironically, it strikes me that the very fact that I would even bother doing this exercise in deconstruction is excellent evidence that I am overwhelmingly melancholic...

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 5 replies

it hurts some times... it realy does

Poe — Fri, 30 Dec 2005 16:22:25 GMT

Of My Loneliness

Trains are sad, always alone, always moving never given time for rest. No home to come back to only a never ending track. A slave to time with one lonely cry that will never be answered in kind. The same bumps time after time. Discarded when they cease to be useful left to rot and fade as a bad memory. Trains lead tragic lives only to die by way of neglect. Trains make me sad. I want to stay with them even if I can not help. There pain is mine and I would want one to stay with me. That is the sad appeal of a drifter bound to nothing, no track, no time, but sorrow binds us. Drifters are defined by the sorrow so attune to are soul that to cry to let go of this sorrow makes one stay and cease to be a drifter. I dry my eyes with the winds of change that carry with them new faces. With ever drying eyes I stare at a desert sky. I listen to a train and watch the stars. I feel the train’s sorrow because it is my own. The train fades into the distance, I stand and wipe the dust from my coat and look at the now empty track. “I need no one, even alone I am significant,” screams the dust speck. I am a drifter do not romanticize my existence. I am alone, one around many but as dust I am only one and will never be as strong as a rock made of many. I am a coward with no fear. I have nothing to lose and that protects me from loss. My heart is weak and sad. Do not pity me, feel nothing for me. I am a drifter, a dust speck stirred only by the wind of a train.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 1 reply

drunken dryducts dribble

asailboat — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 07:49:45 GMT

twisted at misty the habits just hit me quick as they come i am gone
long drwan out song to tweetle to,
dumbdumbdumbdumb
i like how the dee and bee colide
concious to the tickling at my toes and my noes smells something sweet and it lingers.
fingers collecting at the bones my tone is earth brown.
down around my eyes pour frowns
the meeting street cleaning at four fifteen and the sun is still underground
shadows and bright clowns and earthquakes and buddha dreams inside my closet alone.
the gallery is closed and no one watches the doorframe
eht ned dyslicic

-----------------

the nomes no no
grow how slow
a hundred years and i puke
cause i don't care.

------

sitting on fists of morining bliss i missed the kiss the night should have left,
instead of whats right i stood out all night my mind will ignight and burn down the sight
a crime of confusion, oh doctor dilsloutioun was the controbution that broke the weak camles back.
racked all but senceless I attack when i'm restless and to my defencess i'm cute, and aloof.
the spoof on life the mad mans side i step in a glide with pride, piss off.
find fourtiouns a foot and feet in my mouth and this is my spout that i'm spewing.
aluding to what, becides the missed bus my fists and sleve cuffs cumbust.
crumbs and bread cover my head what's more to be said theres more to be blead form my juice.
convay and collide headbuts are my bride and my skull fucks a pain inside.
a dance with the devil with the trebel turned down the bace puffs my face insideout.
clout couldn't cover what's been uncovered and no mother could smother but sisters and brothers could look away.
strange days,
the phrase at the end.
my friends.
jim who?

-------

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 0 replies

seasons passing

John Michael — Mon, 20 Dec 2004 00:29:21 GMT

"... leaving all my sins, I turn away
like soaring birds I watch my sorrows play."

-- Slowdive, "Waves"

Hello, all ...

It's 4:15p here, and the sun has started its' descent. Though it's still light out now, it won't be for long. Both states make me strangely happy yet melancholic at once -- the sun is like an old friend, whose elliptical orbit is such that its' currently not as close as it is at other times (much like human friends). The moon will be back soon, a bit fuller than it was last night.

What is the root that gives life it's often-bittersweet flavor? This will be another holiday season alone for me -- though i've many friends here, they're doing things, and i'm not sure if a.) I want to intrude on their festivities, and b.) I can't be festive with just my floppy-eared best friend and I, at least insofar as I can appreciate the push and pull, the to and fro of the human experience.

Regards,

John

Falling You - exploring the beauty of voice and sound
http://www.magnatune.com/artists/falling_you

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 5 replies

Ok lets go for saddest films

Druben — Sun, 27 Nov 2005 22:56:53 GMT

The song lists have been great. How about the movies?
Here's some of my favorites:
Almost all of Catherine Breillat's films, esp. Anatomy from Hell, Romance X, Fat Girl
Almost all of Atom Egoyan's fims esp The Adjuster, The Sweet Hereafter, Exotica, Felicia's Journey, Family Viewing
Of course Bergman, Bergman, Bergman...Winter's Light, The Silence, Shame
That should get us started...

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 5 replies

What do you call it when you move beyond melancholy...

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 05:01:08 GMT

...and all you want to do is stay in bed or read Samuel Beckett stories? Misery?
And at what point do you cross over? How fine a line is it? Never mind, I'm just rambling...

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 14 replies

what is happiness?

cecilkleakins — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 04:44:49 GMT

Proust wrote something to the effect that what people experience as happiness is usually just the temporal absence of suffering.

An interesting thought, as most people think of melancholics as "lacking happiness". When it is perhaps those who would claim happiness as their own who are lacking--in the true awareness of the unquenched thirst of this mortal life.

* m *

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 18 replies

ahhhhh..... sick day.....

drc — Thu, 20 Oct 2005 13:21:14 GMT

at home with bronchitis, day II

i remember so fondly my old work schedule. can you believe i used to make a living working 3 days a week? Sun / Mon / Tues, 3:30pm - 8:00am. with a full night of sleep... in my own staff bedroom... my own golden age!!!

now i have to get sick to have some peace and quite for a couple days in a row! ;)

even at a good job, the 9-5 lifestyle is just not good for the human mind/body/spirit.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 4 replies

melancholia and wanderlust?

John Michael — Sat, 09 Apr 2005 03:31:00 GMT

Hello, all ...

These two qualities seem to be very intertwined, or at least related. For the last 5-6 years or so, I have had an increasingly potent nomadic tendency. I sometimes wonder what drives me to be so adoring of upheaval, as opposed to a steady course to some goal. I love watching things fall apart (though yes, sometimes it hurts), I think that decay has a certain beauty to it, and i'm much more predisposed to thinking of the consequences of a sudden right turn into the uncharted, vs. a straight path to what I can see ahead of me.

I'm not quite sure what this says about me, but it's a big part of my persona. Does anyone else think / feel similarly?

Regards,

John

Falling You - exploring the beauty of voice and sound
http://www.magnatune.com/artists/falling_you

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 29 replies

... richest melancholic experience?

John Michael — Fri, 19 Aug 2005 22:55:50 GMT

"... so come and sit on my box
enjoy the view of this water
where my lifeboat is sinking."

-- Gus Gus, "Is Jesus Your Pal?"

Hello, all ...

In January of 2004, I was staying with some friends temporarily while looking for a place to live. I would stay a night or two here, a night or two there, etc. A good friend of mine then told me that I could stay with her and her boyfriend as long as I needed to. Unfortunately, they weren't on good terms with the owner of the property, and they were evicted soon after I started staying with them. At this same point in time, my contract ended at my employer, and the doggie daycare that my floppy-eared best friend was staying at (he couldn't stay with me at said friends' place) lost him. He was gone, in the wilds of Santa Cruz, for 31 days before I found him.

I look back on these times, though, with a certain fondness. I cannot remember any recent time that was as _rich_, as potent, from a melancholic perspective, as that time. It was as if la vie de John was a sad fruit, and every day would wring more juice out of it than the day before, at once very bitter yet strangely sweet. I drank deeply from it. Every day I would search for hours for my doggie, as well as hunt down a job, and every night I would cry myself to sleep in a different place, wondering where he was. Was he hungry? Was _I_ hungry? Where was he then, where was I now? It seemed as if the salt from my tears sustained me, gave me just enough hope to try again the next day.

I was only out of work for 2 weeks -- though I didn't believe them at the time, the company I was contracting for told me they would call me back, and they did. I found a place to live (though at 27 days, I was rapidly losing hope that I would ever find Pugsley, my furry companion of the last 9 years, so I accepted a place with a no-pets policy). At 28 days, someone saw Pugs, recognized him from the hundreds of posters I had put up all over Santa Cruz, and called me, but didn't leave an address or return # (which just made me sadder). 3 days later, he called again, and I was there to answer. Pugsley was in his yard, and I went there, found my furry bestest friend, and life instantly became much brighter. I found a place where he and I could both stay (though i've a wide nomadic streak, so we're often moving), and life has been very good since then.

Still, I am glad I went through that, and i'm glad that I drank deeply from the sadness when it seemed like the only think to drink from. I really think that recognizing the potency of that time while I was within it, somehow, helped me make it through. I'm not sure if i'm explaining myself well, but I was wondering if anyone else has similar stories, where their life was falling apart all around them, yet they found the experience to be incredibly sad, yet very fulfilling, even uplifting?

Regards,

John

Falling You - exploring the beauty of voice and sound
http://www.magnatune.com/artists/falling_you
** now available on iTunes **

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 8 replies

Wallowing

Sueness — Tue, 11 Oct 2005 03:33:22 GMT

Don't you love it?? I'll take getting high off of a good depression any day over drugs and alcohol. Though I must admit the alcohol helps. Do your friends find it strange that you'd rather sit home alone with your cat, the Cure(or whatever band your poison may be) and a pack of ciggies(and I don't smoke) instead of getting all glammed up to go out and socialize? It is in moments such as these that I thrive creatively. Solace in solitude. I've tried to find a muse in happiness. She does not exist. Are we twisted or just alive??

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 2 replies

Turning of the Leaves

Sun, 02 Oct 2005 16:35:12 GMT

There has always been something very melancholy as the seasons change specificly the arriving of Fall. I find myself resisting the arrival of shorter days, longer nights, colder months. Then of course the holidays and the ending of another year. October is the official month when holiday propeganda come out to hurry us into the holidays and embracing the new year. A wirl wind that takes us by surprise all within three months....brace yourselves.

Knowing I'm approaching these winter months newly single, without the company of what had been so familiar...resisting embarking on a new year of the unknown.

The turning of the leaves finds me melancholy...

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 5 replies

My New Comic, Paperdollie

eyesys — Tue, 19 Jul 2005 20:25:40 GMT

I have a new webcomic www.paperdollie.com. It's very twisted humor, but depressives do tend toward that edge of things. :)

I hope you like it - if you do, feel free to bookmark it, link to it, tell your friends. :P If you don't, thanks for at least giving it a look. It's updated every week pretty much, and there are still some broken links, etc. to fix, but it's getting there.

Nicole a.k.a. Bitter Emma

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 0 replies

We all need a little friend...

Muirgheal — Mon, 18 Jul 2005 05:33:59 GMT

Strindberg says it the best:

http://www.strindbergandhelium.com/home.html

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 1 reply

Plans for the Summer

Glenn_B — Wed, 01 Jun 2005 20:13:01 GMT

Me? I plan on staying inside as much as possible, avoiding the beautiful people who seem to be having so much fun, and of course, feeling sorry for myself & despairing at the state of the world.

And I bought a sketchbook, maybe I'll get around to some (drunken) doodling every now & then. Perhaps some reading as well.

How about you?

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 11 replies

to introduce my Self

starchild374 — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 03:10:00 GMT

www.starryvision.blogspot.com
~~~~~*peace

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 4 replies

several grave realizations

bravebird — Sat, 11 Jun 2005 20:42:03 GMT

Several Grave Realizations

Souls are subjugated by earthly limitations
Illusion is mistaken for freedom
Slavery is cloaked in hypnosis of thought
Control is a subtle reality hovering in the realm
Of violence and intimidation
The unknown is always there
Greed is the mode in the mindset of a falling Empire
Distraction is a pastime used to usurp the infinite
Peace is always there
The truth does not coincide with relativity
Theorizing cannot bring it forth
Dissidence may bring you closer to it
Silence is always there
Instant gratification is our conditioning
Suffering is a product of our karmic debt
War is used to generate wealth for the wealthy
Ignorance is the fear of ego annihilation
Love is always there
The racial divide has gotten the best of us
All divisions are a trumped up card used to manipulate us
We’ve sold out humanity for a little comfort and security
Yet the bliss of stillness is always there

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 2 replies

a sad poem

bravebird — Sat, 11 Jun 2005 09:28:41 GMT

Living in Death

Ghosts of mortal consciousness
Plague those of us
Who presume dying is for the dead
While the lack of depth
Dominant in breath
Ensures the weary bones
Of our deception

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 2 replies

Saddest album?

cecilkleakins — Wed, 12 Nov 2003 05:02:37 GMT

Ok, so let's all name our favorite saddest album (taken in its entirety)... if you can't decide definitively, a top five list is good too.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 104 replies

Here's One for All You Sad People to Chomp On

eyesys — Wed, 09 Feb 2005 17:34:53 GMT

I realize now that I missed that special person in my life, that they either don't exist anymore or I didn't see clearly when they walked my way. This is an ode to that person that never came.

The Chair Across the Table

Alone in a tavern
Firedancing reflections off my glass
Shadowing the lonely seat
Across the way.
Who were you supposed to have been?
Were you the presence that I felt
In the conservatory
the lingering haunting feeling that
someone should BE here?
I walked the street calling an unknown name.
But you never came.
Were you some lost casualty
of helath, accident or war?
If you had turned left instead of right
On that fateful day
Would you be there, looking into my eyes,
Sharing my life?
I have no answers,
For I never knew your name -
I just feel your absence.
Day after day
For all the days of my life.

Nel 2/8/05

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 8 replies

Series of Bad Events

... — Mon, 23 May 2005 12:57:25 GMT

I have had a series of bad circumstances and events that have landed me here in this tribe--I am really melancholy against my will, but I guess I may as well embrace it since it's there staring me in the face right? I guess at 25 I hope to once again gain some semblance of a joyful life. Anyway, I thought I'd share a poem I just wrote..I write these when I'm really confused/empty...all I ask is that you do not steal the material..and enjoy.

(Untitled)
Stuck between here and there
I step out there in the sweltering sun
Ablaze with green life and monarchs
But I am still stuck
Neither here nor there
In happiness drag

Stuck in nowhere which is here
I've tried to remember where I'd begun
Ablazed with green life and monarchs
And with any luck
Find it anywhere
The happiness again.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 3 replies

Favorite Melancholy Writer?

pinkpussycat — Sun, 09 May 2004 19:16:28 GMT

Does anyone have a writer or poet that just stirs their blues?
Mine is Sam Shepard.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 46 replies

Unrepentant Melancholics Throughout History

Glenn_B — Sat, 16 Apr 2005 04:02:07 GMT

Mad King Ludwig the II of Bavaria always comes to mind. From what I remember, he neglected his official duties and rode his horse all alone for hours at a time and some of his contemporaries even claimed he had conversations with trees along the way.

Which historical figures/celebrities/artists do you think qualify as melancholic? Have they helped you in accepting your own true nature?

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 5 replies

What's The Matter?

... — Sun, 03 Apr 2005 08:38:41 GMT

Do any of you often get that annoying question: "What's the matter?"...of have people tell you to cheer up when you actually feel fine? It seems that just because I'm not loud and obnoxious, of grinning ear to ear, people think something is wrong with me.
I also get alot of annoying people telling me I'm too quiet. But I just don't like to make senseless babble....especially to the type of people that tell me I'm quiet.
Am I the only one?

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 21 replies

spring darkest season?

Dev — Fri, 01 Apr 2005 22:02:48 GMT

Spring has always brought out the most melancholy for me. The sun, the warmth, the flowers, the happy people....serious sadness. I just wanna crawl into a hole and hide...every year I think it's gonna be different, but then it isn't.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 7 replies

hey, cheer up everybody!

diazo — Sat, 22 Jan 2005 06:30:37 GMT

smile! fucking smile, everybody!

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 19 replies

plunging into darkness

dax — Wed, 19 Jan 2005 09:18:44 GMT

is actually a wonderful feeling for me. it's an emotion i wouldn't quite call 'happy' but something that i prefer over happiness.. .

anyone else like the feeling of going into the deep dark recesses of emotion and never regret it?

i also like extremes;; ugliness, sadness, desperation, gives me a feeling that i don't want to say is 'good', but its certainly satisfying

lets talk about melancholics who aren't 'woe is me' but i LIKE feeling melancholic, and in fact prefer it, thank you.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 8 replies

driven?

John Michael — Thu, 17 Feb 2005 07:46:09 GMT

"... self obsessed on a crumbling couch for hours
quite alone as is usual for the things we are
quite unable to go beyond whats ours"

-- Chris Knox, "Outer Skin"

Hello, all ...

While enumerating our favorite melancholy music / writers / etc. is all fine and good, I propose that we discuss what we _do_ as a result of our predisposition towards, and affinity for, all things moody. How does our melancholy fuel us, and what do we hope to accomplish as a result?

Regards,

John

Falling You - exploring the beauty of voice and sound
http://www.magnatune.com/artists/falling_you

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 3 replies

I'd like to be someone else :)

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 08:20:25 GMT

In "Our Lady of the Flowers", most of Genet's characters either dream of being someone else or are someone else (if you take cross-dressing at face value) or they do both, usually to escape themselves and boredom. Who else wishes they had some secret birthright- wishes they were a royal descendant from some other continent on some other world? Who else wishes they were a character in a movie or a book or a song? Let's here it for assumed identities and self-dissatisfaction! Are we Harry Haller? Humbert Humbert? Harry Harlow? Hedwig? Give 'em a false name! And take that, Depression-- I've kept you at bay at least for the afternoon :). Why not play dress up with the tip of our iceberg? It doesn't mean we can't still be all frozen up underneath. A mask over a mask over a mask. It's more fun like that or at least more distracting, and maybe someone else was entertained even if you were being eaten away beneath it. The chilvary of Don Quixote :). Hooray for not being what we seem and who cares which one's the real one anyway :)? Fernando Pessoa would say that if you imagine that you're a king (or queen) then you're a king more free than any real one. Isn't it better to dream our lives up and away?

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 1 reply

Did anyone else cry when Auld Lang Syne played last night?

manicgirl — Sat, 01 Jan 2005 22:57:40 GMT

Why? What was going through your mind? Why does that song make me feel so emotional?

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 6 replies

Bipolar?

John Michael — Thu, 27 Jan 2005 07:40:49 GMT

"... I thought I never needed,
everything I knew was wrong.
I never thought I needed so much."

-- Fates Warning, "Something From Nothing"

Hello, all ...

Only a little while ago, I was happier ... i'm sure we all deal with the often very sudden mood swings, but it makes me wonder:

1. Why the sudden swing just now? Could it be that I was unhappy being happy, and I prefer being a bit (or more than a bit) down?

2. Music often does it to me -- yet music is a _huge_ part of my life. To extrapolate, I believe perhaps this has an analog in the much bigger domain of the environments in which we live: Does the world feeds us what we wish to consume?

3. What does this say about us? What conclusions can we draw from this to better understand the human condition, and can they be applied in such a way as to make things better? Is merely understanding, better (I tend to think so)?

In many ways, I want to change everything -- yet in some ways I want nothing to change, lest I no longer am able to appreciate this. What conclusions can one draw from _this_?

Regards,

John, such interesting and fascinating questions come up when he's moody

Falling You - exploring the beauty of voice and sound
http://www.magnatune.com/artists/falling_you

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 0 replies

Sunday thinking about work

markcycle — Thu, 27 Jan 2005 04:55:31 GMT

Another Sunday

The desire I have for the happiness
Which is not in my reach
Life is low but what brings me to where I am are the years yet to be
My dreams aren't on the path that surround my soul
I just travel its way

Deeds of my day are not hard, well laid out
Sure to repeat as long as my heart beats
Lay my day out to talk and there is not a word
for it is the story of yesterday sure to be tomorrow

The day is what I wish away
Every day starts with the hope it will go quick
My time is for others to use
The sooner it end the less I give away

I try to keep the moments I claim belong to me
Yet I am lost they took the will for self direction
Instilling fear of change that freedom of though brings
So I stare at the TV involved in stupid fantasy
Wakened day dreams wasted time

Now a new work day begins
I’ll be safe in the task of others
Sure to repeat as long as my heat beats

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 1 reply

Another Perfect Day

John Michael — Sun, 16 Jan 2005 00:31:03 GMT

"... another perfect day, and I will hide away
from all the sights and sounds.
Another perfect day, and I will walk away
from the light that surrounds."

-- Fates Warning, "Another Perfect Day"

Hello ...

This moment is perfect to me. Talk Talk's "Laughing Stock" is playing, and looking out the window, a gray sky colors the waves as they build up, crest, roll over themselves and dissipate against the shore. There is a man a few houses down, orange-vested and with a measuring stick in the backyard. I wonder if the sky and sea are coloring his life as they are mine, and if his experiences as a human are as analogous to the waves (building up, becoming top-heavy, falling over and falling apart, only to begin again) as mine are.

Regards,

John

Falling You - exploring the beauty of voice and sound
http://www.magnatune.com/artists/falling_you

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 0 replies

conflicted, anyone?

splendor — Sat, 05 Jun 2004 10:26:13 GMT

i realize this is a tribe that celebrates all of the splendor that melancholy can bring, but who here feels stifled by it sometimes?

i am always torn between embracing it and wanting to let go. do you feel it is something inherent or has it all been some sort of phase thus far?? for me, 8 years (or so) seems like quite a long phase. it seems that i was on track at one point and somehow got derailed.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 21 replies

What triggers the most sadness in you?

Lisa — Wed, 28 Jul 2004 17:33:13 GMT

It took me a good while to figure out that when I am disconnected from people, I am absolutely miserable. :( I yearn for human contact! Trouble is, I am not always feeling in the mood to be around people, lol.

Anyone else?

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 16 replies

Your Movies?

fonduie — Thu, 17 Jun 2004 20:28:10 GMT

Hi. I'm new to this tribe. My music, art and book collection should be reason enough to join this tribe but it took a conversation over my movie collection with a visiting friend that has really compelled me to join.

"What do want to watch" I asked.

"I don't know. What do you like?"

"Well I have:
Magnolia,
Baraka,
Osama,
Nowhere in Africa..."

"Yuck! Don't you have any comedies?"

"Sure:
Fargo,
The Royal Tenenbaums,
As Good As it Gets,...."

"Oh jeezus, forget it. Why don't we just slit our wrists tonight instead."

....sigh

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 19 replies

Melancholic mix tape/CD exchange?

fonduie — Wed, 28 Jul 2004 19:58:35 GMT

Reading all of the music threads made me wonder if it would be a good idea to exchange our favorite mixes of melancholic music.

Is this even legal? I'm not sure.

I'm not an organized person so I certainly couldn't coordinate it. But looking at all of the lists of your favorite music piqued my interest. I recognize and heartily agree with many selections listed. Other musicians and bands listed I have never heard of before and I am very interested to hear their stuff. It's just an idea. Thought I would throw it out there into the either.

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 8 replies

Why, Why, Why can't I drag myself out of this?

Iva — Sat, 28 Aug 2004 03:49:22 GMT

I've been mulling over this for days now. Why am I so damn melancholy? Why are my emotions raw as ever, why am I feeling so damn down, melancholy, desperate to cry? I have a few ideas. Recent vulnerabilities, scabs that were picked, things going on in my life, but I can't help but think I have so much to be happy about. Why can't I focus on those instead??? Why am I dwelling on the rest? It's not that I'm not entitled to be melancholy at the moment. There's a lot of deserving things going on in my life. But at the same time, why can't I be one of those people that can focus on the good? And why is it every effort from friends and family seems to fall short? Like I can't be satisfied. Man, I'm about to kick myself on their behalf! I don't even dare open my mouth to anyone right now because my feelings and thoughts are just too... melancholy, and I don't want to drive people away. I fear I already am.

Anyone understand? How do I kick this?

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 10 replies

Cultural melancholia, suggestions for intense melancholy

bellaT — Wed, 11 Aug 2004 21:10:59 GMT

Hello,

I just joined, couldn't resist the name...at last...a place for expressing the intricacies of melancholia. Ahhhh...

In response to the current discussion and for all of you, though this post is inspired as response to Greg's post.

Greg, regarding what you say about sadness draining you rather than inspiring you. I think we've all been there...melancholia like all emotions, has a light and a shadow side, (for lack of b
etter expression). So to passion can be a melange' of agony and ecstacy...the paradox of spiritual experience is usually thus. Christ's agony in the garden of Getsemone was a deep melancholia if ever there was one. It was a catharsis of sadness and resistence to what was sensed and known to be inevitable. I've noticed that mystery itself has a tendency to inspire melancholy for there is nothing more baffling than the unknown and bafflement is often a hair away from melancholia.

I find that when it's a bittersweet feeling is when it can be on the razor's edge of inspirational or unbearable. It can depend on the balance of things one is handling simultaneously that determines whether this teetering state acts as catalyst to artistic transformation, creative experiential catharsis or...plunges us into the depths of heavy heartedness and dismal domains of pain.

Standard psychology says that you can't have two opposite emotions at the same time. When I was attending hypnotherapy school and they said that I raised my hand and said, "Actually, you can..and I do! I often feel happy and sad simultaneously!" The teacher said that was crazy. I replied that it was actually quite natural to the human condition. It's also the basis of much of the romantic poetry...the worm eating at the spring rose etc. Needless to say, I was considered an anomoly in that particular classroom.

It was not always that way. Growing up in England from infancy, melancholia was part of the culture and people seemd to take delight in making sport with it, often in the most morbid of ways. Victorian attitudes still permeate some of English protocol, yet at the same time, the baudy brash cheer of the cockney and blue collar worker offset the elegant melancholy in the most ironic and absurd of ways. This clash of temperaments is an endless source of humor in the UK.

So,what do I advise? Being a professional hypnotherapist and healer of various modalities, something I'd like to suggest is, that when the melancholy feels unbearable, locate it's energy in teh physical body, then try to observe the pattern of thought, if there is one (they generally go in circle, zig zag, undulate or stay rooted in one spot obsessively, or float randomly from place to place) and just observe it's SHAPE, rather than content. This is a technique from Viphassana meditation. If you are an artist, or even if you aren't draw the shape, then free associate and write down the words that come to mind. It will either be more mental, emotional, physical or abstract. The more you can bring it onto paper or into form the better. Trance dance is another wonderful way of giving the feeling legs, voice...in other words, release, expression.

And here's another idea. Laughing meditation. It's a zen practice. Usually it's done with others, but I suppose it can be done alone, though I can't say I've tried yet. Basically, if you were in a group, you would all sit around in a circle. The leader would start it off with a formalised laughing sound. The person next to him/her would echo it and so forth. Eventually, (like chinese whispers) it builds into laughter and becomes a random laughing feast. This goes on for a good while until it naturally of it's own energy dwindles. I don't know why this isn't a common practice in the West. It's certainly needed! Pure, laughter, no reason, except itself! Of course, as the laughter becomes a force of its own, subconscious associations may pop in, all of which is okay.

Last but not least...caricature your dilema. Make it into a cartoon, no matter how depressing it may seem. The act of converting it into cartoon is incredibly relieving and can actually bring forth some of that delicious morbid ironical mirth that may not feel so funny when it's all stuffed inside, but once it is visualised becomes quite amusing if not hilarious, albeit in a twisted way!

Hope this helps. Melancholy is the state of a sensitive soul and if we "can dance with it" as the young lady (sorry, can't recall your name but you know who you are) who responded to you said, it can be aside from a poignant stab of pain regarding existence, transience, cruelties of the world, death etc...a muse, teacher and even guide. Sometimes, melancholia is telling us that something needs to change. Listen to it's shade and you may find that there is something being urged. Perhaps the melancholia is coming from procrastination for example. There are all sorts of reasons and ways this state is arrived at or invited.

There's a book by Julia Kristeva called 'Black Sun' about the language of melancholia. Interesting from a linguistical point of view. Intellectual stuff, good to know about, but right now you might be better off, immersing yourself in humor therapy.

Hypnotherapy is an excellent way also to make the melancholy more manageable and work for you. It could be the nature of it, the pattern etc., the triggers that need altering, or it could be your response to it. A skilled hpnotherapist can assist you in alligning your energies in a more uplifting, inspiring way, without doing away with the essential part of your nature. Trust your instincts, if it doesn't feel right, something probably needs shifting.

Next time I'm going to write about the etymology of the word melancholia. I'm signing off now. If anyone wants to beat me to it, go ahead! :)

Thank you..I feel much better by the way. Writing is a great idiometer release...of anything that's lurking within. It's wonderful to feel that I have shared some of my thoughts and connected with others and their feelings too.

Fiat lux,

Bella
www.hypnoholistics.com

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 4 replies

grief and oblivion

cecilkleakins — Sat, 14 Aug 2004 15:45:11 GMT

I am reading the amazing "Grief and Oblivion" section of Proust's Recherche, and just reached the passage where Albertine, the narrator's lover, who had abruptly left him a few weeks previously, has died after being thrown from a horse. The narrator had been desperately but unsuccessfully trying to win her back and was convinced that she did not love him and would not return. He then posthumously receives a letter from her begging him to allow her to come back to him.

There was a beautiful and melancholic descriptive passage that I wanted to share, describing the narrator's evening after learning of his lover's death and after having posthumously received her plea to return to him.:

- - - - - - - -

How slow the day is in dying on these interminable summer evenings. A pallid ghost of the house opposite continued indefinitely to sketch upon the sky its persistent whiteness. At last it was dark indoors; I stumbled against the furniture in the hall, but in the door that opened upon the staircase, in the midst of the darkness which I had supposed to be complete, the glazed panel was translucent and blue, with the blue of a flower, the blue of an insect's wing, a blue that would have seemed to me beautiful if I had not felt it to be a last reflexion, trenchant as a blade of steel, a supreme blow which in its indefatigable cruelty the day was still dealing me.

In the end, however, the darkness became complete, but then a glimpse of a star behind one of the trees in the courtyard was enough to remind me of how we used to set out in a carriage, after dinner, for the woods of Chantepie, carpeted with moonlight. And even in the streets it would so happen that I could isolate upon the back of a seat, could gather there the natural purity of a moonbeam in the midst of the artificial lights of Paris, of that Paris over which it enthroned, by making the town return for a moment, in my imagination, to a state of nature, with the infinite silence of the suggested fields, the heartwarming memory of the walkes that I had taken in them with Albertine.

Ah! when would the night end? But at the first cool breath of dawn I shuddered, for it had revived in me the delight of that summer when, from Balbec to Incarville, from Incarville to Balbec, we had so many times escorted each other home until the break of day. I had now only one hope left for the future--a hope far more heart-rending than any dread--which was that I might forget Albertine.

I knew that I should one day forget her; I had quite forgotten Gilberte, Mme. de Guermantes, ; I had quite forgotten even my grandmother. And it is our most fitting and most cruel punishment, for that so complete oblivion, as tranquil as the oblivion of the graveyard, by which we have detached ourself from those whom we no longer love, that we can see this same oblivion to be inevitable in the case of those whome we love still.

To tell the truth, we know it to be a state not painful, a state of indifference. But not being able to think at the same time of what I was and of what I should one day be, I thought with despair of all that covering mantle of caresses, of kisses, of friendly slumber, of which I must presently let myself be divested for all time.

The rush of these tender memories sweeping on to break against the knowledge that Albertine was dead oppressed me by the incessant conflict of their baffled waves so that I could not keep still; I rose, but all of a sudden I stopped in consternation; the same faint daybreak that I used to see at the moment when I had just left Albertine, still radiant and warm with her kisses, had come into the room and bared, above the curtains, its blade now a sinister portent, whose whiteness, cold, implacable and compact, entered the room like a dagger thrust into my heart.

-- Marcel Proust "Sweet Cheat Gone" (aka. "The Fugitive") Vol. 6 Remembrance of Things Past

- - - - - - - -

posted in * unrepentant melancholics * - 0 replies